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It’s our nature to always want a little bit more, one level higher, what’s just out of reach. This is true all the time, but is especially true right now while we’re gathering and wrapping gifts for the people on our lists.
Instead of the usual desire for ourselves, though, our desire to give excessively to others feels even more justified. Because it’s about other people, right?
This feeling usually strikes me right about mid-December each year, in a panic to ensure I’m providing an adequate “Christmas experience” for my kids. The Christmas morning delight, the piles of wrapping paper surrounding pajama clad bodies, the giant smiles and delighted squeals.
Did I buy enough? Are the things we chose special enough? Will it be enough compared to their friends?
But these are dangerous questions, my friends.
They send us buying a few more things for the kids, one more thing for each teacher, and extra giftcards for the grandkids. Layering on excess, all in our quest to make sure it’s enough… presents, food, decorations, time, cookies, cards, everything.
But it’s important to check these thoughts.
It may be natural to worry about enough-ness, but that doesn’t mean this insecurity is rooted in truth.
First, loved ones generally aren’t looking for a little bit more, one level higher, and what’s just out of reach coming in the form of gifts from you.
They too are concerned about whether they bought enough for everyone else. (And if another adult is judging the worth of your gift critically, that’s more a reflection on them, not a reason for you to spend beyond your means.)
And as for the kids, well, it’s our job to calibrate their barometer to an appropriate level of materialism (if there is one), not to spin it out of control just often enough that we perpetuate this problem. Let your kids delight in simple pleasures as often, or more often, than in expensive stuff to pile into their bedrooms.
Second, our focus on enough-ness is shortsighted. It’s not giving us the full picture. To help counter our tendency to ask ourselves, Is it enough?, try asking yourself, Is it worth it?
That second question will help you evaluate your gift giving in a different light and from a different perspective. A perspective that honors the cost.
Don’t get me wrong, the over-the-top moments are sometimes very fun, but dropping way too much money to create them is usually a mistake, one we often regret afterward.
So if you were looking for some permission to let it be enough today – and I’ve spoken with several of you this month on exactly this issue – consider this that permission, if not your obligation.
Give thoughtfully this holiday according to your means and no more. Value the non-material elements of your relationships and celebrations, instead of overvaluing the gift haul aspect.
After all, we’re the example for everyone around us, especially the kids, and the brakes on excess sometimes has to start with us.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
DR. SUESS IN HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS!
Can it really be my duty to buy and receive masses of junk every winter just to help the shopkeepers?
C.S. LEWIS
“I wear the chain I forged in life,” replied the Ghost. “I made it link by link and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to you?”
CHARLES DICKENS IN A CHRISTMAS CAROL
I hope you enjoyed this edition of Under 2, an email series designed to share quick bites of wisdom to empower your financial journey (while keeping it short). Be sure to sign-up below to get these messages in your inbox.
All for now,
Lindsey