Why can some people just stick to a to-do list? Or a budget? Why do others thrive on being accountable to someone else? I believe the answers to these questions are a key secret to achieving financial success.
Part of the reason we struggle with money is our own psychology. I want to save money, but I want to kick up my feet and order pizza at the moment much more! Going deep into our mindset and what drives us is, therefore, a critical step on the path to financial freedom.
The reason I bring all this up is a book I discovered recently. I had heard of The Four Tendencies before in some of my favorite podcasts. But I just recently read it for myself. In her book, Gretchen Rubin describes a theoretical construct to sort people according to how they respond to expectations. Gosh, responding to expectations? That’s a huge part of sticking to your financial plan and changing your money life!
Learning more about yourself, what makes you tick, why you do the things you do. I find it super interesting, but also very useful. This book has a particularly useful slant, because instead of just characterizing the four tendencies, Rubin describes how to capitalize on the strengths and watch out for the weaknesses of each. This way, no matter your tendency, you can have a plan for how to succeed with the life you want to build. But just like you have to know your numbers to succeed with your money, you must also know yourself.
Here I’m going to give my rundown of the four tendencies described in the book, but in the context of finding your secret to achieve personal financial success with each.
What's In This Post
The Four Tendencies – discover your secret to financial success
There are four tendencies because their definitions rely on two possible answers to two types of expectations. Inner expectations are what you expect of yourself- I want to spend less money. Outer expectations are what others expect of you- my spouse expects me to spend less money. You fall towards one quadrant or another based on how readily you respond to inner vs outer expectations. You might respond readily to both types, neither type, or more one or the other. I’ll describe the four categories in the same order that Rubin does in her book.
Upholder – responds to both inner and outer expectations readily
Ah! Reading this section in the book I finally understood some of my friends who just do what needs to be done. They make it seem so easy!
Upholders follow their to-do list, schedule, or budget without much trouble. They meet the expectations of others and themselves quite easily and do so with a feeling of freedom. Routine, habits, streaks… Upholders thrive on these things.
If something is to be done, they’ll do it regardless of whether it inconveniences someone else or even if it just doesn’t make sense. For instance, writing up a detailed budget is all it will take for an Upholder to control their spending. They’ll check in with their categories or burn rate or really any method they believe they should follow.
If the budget means they don’t participate in some social activity or provide a contribution for a school event, then so be it. They don’t break the expectation that was previously set (and may sometimes be accused of being rigid). Upholders may gravitate more towards lists and organizing binders. They follow the rules and do what shall be done.
Upholders, you are the masters of getting stuff accomplished. Create a comprehensive money plan to follow to financial success and you will inevitably succeed!
Questioner – responds readily to inner, but not outer expectations
This section was like reading my own personal psychoanalysis (and that of my son). I understood much better several ways in which I (and my son) drive other people nutso.
Questioners question everything, according to Rubin. They value customization, optimization… and yes, even spreadsheets. A line I love from one of my favorite kids books (check it out here) is “…constantly analyze, tweak, and refine.” Yep, that’s a Questioner!
This group can suffer from analysis paralysis- what is the best budget method? What is the best rewards credit card out there? What’s the best way to start investing? You may hear read me saying “Perfection is the enemy of good” a lot around here. That, I now realize, is because this mantra keeps my Questioner tendency in check and helps me just move forward and make some progress.
Questioners need reasons above all else to convert any expectation solidly into an inner expectation. Once an inner expectation is set, they will do it. It doesn’t matter if other people expect differently or judge, as long as the Questioner has their reasons.
To produce reasons, big picture vision planning is crucial when going about a money plan. While an Upholder will stick to a budget for the sake of it, a Questioner will stick to a budget because it’s a path to a particular goal or life vision. The reason is absolutely crucial for the Questioner to comply. But once you have something, you’re golden.
Obliger – responds readily to outer, but not inner expectations
Most people are Obligers. Obligers struggle to meet expectations of themselves, but respond mightily to outer accountability.
When it comes to mastering personal finance, knowing that you tend towards Obligerness is a game changer. Because once you know you meet outer expectations more easily than your own inner desires, you can build the necessary accountability mechanisms. Work with a coach, accountability partner, post your budget on Facebook, whatever outside expectations best help you to succeed.
According to Rubin, Obligers must find methods to take their inner expectations of themselves and convert them to outer expectations from others (through accountability mechanisms) to ensure they will more easily meet them.
One little nuance of outer expectations to consider is how far outside yourself you need to go to provide a strong expectation. Indeed, for some Obligers the expectations of a spouse may be treated very similarly to the expectations of self. The spouse is too close to truly be an outer force. Do you jump at the needs of a neighbor you barely know, but consistently put off the expectations of your spouse? Then you get it. Understanding this nuance is important to choosing the right accountability mechanisms for you.
There’s a lot more interesting stuff about Obligerness in the book that’s useful for all aspects of life, so definitely check it out (maybe literally, at the library, for free!). Reading more about this group was also slightly reminiscent of my prior learning about the Enneagram Type 2 or 3… now I have to go back and analyze further (yep, Questioner). But when it comes to mastering your money, Obligers, your secret to financial success is all about building in the right external accountability. That’s your secret sauce.
Rebel – does not readily meet inner or outer expectations
Rubin’s catchphrase for this group is “you can’t make me, and neither can I.” This group is driven by purpose, doing what they want to do and bucking convention. (I might lean a little bit this way, actually, just a touch.)
A rebel with a cause is a force to be reckoned with. But when it comes to boring adulting stuff, like building a budget and paying bills on time, Rebels likely will get stuck. If to-do lists, templates, and other peoples’ rationale make your skin crawl (or make you feel like a failure again and again), you may be a Rebel. The trick for Rebels is to design their own way.
Build a spending plan your way, Rebels. You can achieve financial success. But you’ll do it your way, tied to that life you want to design or that higher calling to which you choose to answer. Your ticket to financial freedom is to do it your own way and find work arounds for what you can’t change.
One tip, automate the mundane stuff (monthly bills, transfers to savings, etc.) that you don’t like doing. Also, Rubin emphasizes that Rebels faced with an expectation will respond better when provided the consequences of doing or not doing the action, followed by choice.
Don’t give up meeting expectations, especially your goal of financial freedom, Rebels. Just make sure you find something to push against to help drive you (budget categories, schmategories). And remember the consequences of not doing what needs doing to get there. Consider designing your own hybrid approach to a spending plan or investing plan. And I’ll stop making suggestions now, since anything I suggest will just kill your desire to do it!
Ultimately, Rebels, you need to create your own secret sauce (or atleast trick yourself into thinking you created your own), and then nothing can stop you.
Key Takeaways
These four quadrants describe how people tend to act towards an expectation. They aren’t of course the end all, be all for putting every aspect of humanity into tidy boxes. Personally, I can relate to (and therefore benefit from learning about) all four of the tendencies to some extent. I’m probably least Obliger, but benefit from knowing the Obliger well, as my husband tends towards this type 🙂 (Rubin’s book actually has a section about being married to each type! Very handy!)
Though The Four Tendencies only describes this one characteristic of our human nature, the way you are motivated to respond to an expectation has key relevance for financial success. You can take the quiz to find your tendency here. And in this case, I highly recommend the book, which is also available on Kindle and Audible. So get psychoanalyzing yourself, and unlock your financial success secret.
Upholders, you might also like:
- Organizing Personal Finances: A Simple 5 Step Method {+ free workbook}
- Cash flow planning: the secret sauce for your family’s finances
Questioners, you might also like:
- What drives my money moves? Example of creating a vision for your life to motivate your money management
- The simple (& free) money management spreadsheet you need now
Obligers, you might also like:
- Sign up here for some external accountability on the email list!
- What is the purpose of a budget? 7 goals a budget can conquer
Rebels, you might also like: