Ever try an elaborate new recipe and wind up with a total flop? Or maybe you designed an ideal morning routine that lasted two days before rapidly disintegrating?

(I’m raising my hand for both of those, by the way.)

We often blame ourselves when goals don’t go as planned, doubting our abilities and commitment.

But what if it’s not you that’s the problem?

What if the goals themselves are the issue?

For example, I frequently say, “The problem isn’t you; it’s your budget.” Traditional budgets are actually really complex plans involving numerous behaviors and habits, ones to start doing and ones to stop, all wrapped up in one goal.

It’s like attempting a complex recipe without ever learning the basics of cooking.

In the wildly bestselling book, “Atomic Habits,” James Clear highlights the importance of making things easy to successfully build new habits.

The same principle applies to your finances.

The opposite of easy

A typical monthly budget made of ideal allotments towards various expense categories actually requires a highly complex mix of many new habits and actions – the opposite of easy (aka, really darn hard!). Despite this, “budgeting” is thrown around as this basic skill everyone should be doing.

Hardly.

I’ll let you in on a little secret…

I’ve attempted to track and categorize expenses into budget categories before and have never successfully done so.

The difference with me is that when traditional budgeting failed, instead of labeling myself as “bad with money,” I knew that the system of managing spending (a.k.a the almighty budget) was the issue, not me.

Now let’s talk about what’s required to come to such a conclusion.

The power of a resilient identity

Fifteen years ago, as a 25-year old graduate student, I could have blamed a low stipend or high rent for financial failure. But I chose to own my circumstances, design a way to live within my means, and stubbornly stick to my identity as someone who was good with money, even when I had none. It was about surviving and creating a structure that wasn’t in any money book.

My friends back home were starting their 401Ks and buying their first homes, while I was budgeting $1,400 a month (half of which was used just to cover rent) and was denied a $9,000 car loan.

And you know what? I never considered myself a financial failure.

I felt broke most of the time, yes, but I held onto the identity of being good with money, even when I barely had any.

Delusional?

Maybe.

But useful?

Definitely.

This self-belief became the foundation of my financial success, success I believe in no matter how our circumstances may ebb and flow.

You can decide you’re really good at this

Building an identity where you believe you’re good at something empowers you to create your way without beating yourself up, second guessing your choices at every turn, and quitting the game over and over again.

It thus brings about the choices and habits that a person who is good with money adopts.

They practice, they try again, they learn.

When you decide you’re good at this, your journey then becomes one of plowing confidently ahead in what may feel like a financial fantasy, until you find yourself creating and living more and more of it for real.

And that continual resilient effort is what actually creates eventual success.

👉 It’s the compounding of small lessons and wins without quitting that ultimately helps you make it, even if you don’t see the progress at the start.

So what thoughts and feelings about your finances do you dream about embodying someday?

How can you start thinking a little more like that every day right now, without anything in your circumstances changing?

And, how can you modify your goals to be a little more stepwise and gentle, setting yourself up for more and more of those essential small wins that bring evidence of your inevitable success & support your adopted identity?

Here’s my formulaic representation of this:

Easy goals → easy wins → growing confidence that feeds your resilient, successful identity

…Rinse, repeat…

= Inevitable progress & success!

The secret is in never giving up…

Yes, retune, retool, reassess.

But always believe it’s possible and never quit.